Texas

Before we begin, let’s clear-up one MAJOR issue: The Texas State tree is the Pecan tree, pronounced “\pi-ˈkän,” not “pee-can.” Mispronunciation of this word could earn you a hole through your hat (or boot and foot.)

TEXAS: #1 State for Business and Jobs! There’s a reason….

 

Texas Nationalist Movement – Facts, Figures and FAQ’s


Ten Things Every True Texan Knows:

 

 

1.   Texas is the largest unfrozen U.S. State

2.   Texas is the only state to enter the United States by treaty instead of territorial annexation.

The United States of America joined the Republic of Texas in 1845, not the other way around. This is a common misconception purposefully concocted and disseminated by the feral government (yes, feral. How else can it be succinctly described?!) so that other states would not lose quite so much of their self-esteem.

3.  Texas has 6 seasons:

  • Spring, Feb 16 to April 15 (-3 to 99 degrees)
  • Summer, April 16 to July 15 (temp 28 to 107 degrees)
  • Super Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 74 to 120 degrees)
  • Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 10 (temp 49 to 104 degrees)
  • Fall, Oct 11 to Dec. 19 (-9 to 98 degrees
  • Winter Dec. 20 to Feb 15 (-18 to 85)

                             …AND – all 6 seasons may occur on any given day, including “rainy season.”

4.     When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.

5.     When you live in the country, you don’t have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.

6.     The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.

7.     When somebody’s “fixin” to do something, it won’t be long.

8.     Ain’t nobody’s biscuits like Grandma’s biscuits.

9.     A good dog is worth it’s weight in gold.

10.   You never go snipe hunting twice.

11.    What happens when you swallow tobacco juice.

12. Most importantly: Seventy-five percent of the world’s Snickers bars are made in Waco at the M&M/Mars plant.


More Facts about Texas…

 

In the mid 1980s, the employee cafeteria at Motorola in Austin had to stop serving food that contained poppy seeds because people showed false positives for opium when they were drug tested. Since then, the company reintroduced poppy seeds, and added Valium and several anti-depressants to a list of things not to bother testing for.

Early Spanish missionaries in Texas hoped to encourage the spread of European values by offering flannel underwear to Native Americans.

For $150 you can become a licensed dead animal hauler in Texas.

In Texas, it’s illegal to put graffiti on someone else’s cow.

The World’s largest parking lot is located at DFW Airport.

According to newspaper accounts, the first powered airplane was flown in Texas nearly forty years before the Wright Brothers version in 1903.  Inventor-pilot Jacob Brodbeck powered the plane with coil springs and reached treetop heights before crashing into a henhouse killing several chickens and scaring many children in 1865.

Texas is as large as all of New England, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio and Illinois combined.

The King Ranch in Texas is bigger than the state of Rhode Island.

The first word spoken from the moon on July 20, 1969 was “Houston”. 

When Texas was annexed in 1845 it retained the right to fly its flag at the same height as the national flag.

The Dallas/Fort Worth airport is larger than New York City’s Manhattan Island.

El Paso is closer to Needles, California than it is to Dallas.

In Texas, it is still a “hanging offense” to steal cattle.

Will Rogers’ father and uncle were boyhood friends of Sam Houston. Their half sister, Will Rogers’ aunt, was also Sam Houston’s Indian wife.

The Heisman trophy is named for John William Heisman the first full-time coach and athletic director at Rice University in Houston.


  • A reporter did a human-interest piece on  the Texas Rangers. The reporter
    recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was  carrying and asked him ‘Why do
    you carry a 45?’ The Ranger responded, ‘Because  they don’t make a 46.’
  • The old sheriff was attending an awards  dinner when a lady commented on
    his wearing his sidearm. ‘Sheriff, I see you  have your pistol Are you
    expecting trouble?’ He promptly replied, ‘No Ma’am. If  I were
    expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.’
  • Beware the man who only carries one gun.  HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT.
  • I was once asked by a lady visiting if I  had a gun in the house. I said I
    did. She said, ‘Well I certainly hope it isn’t  loaded!’ To which I said,
    “Of course it is loaded, it can’t work without  bullets!” She then asked, “Are
    you that afraid of someone evil coming into your  house?” My reply was, “No
    not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire  either, but I have
    fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded  too.”

 

YOU JUST MIGHT LIVE IN A BLUE STATE IF:

You think barbecue is a verb meaning, “to cook outside.”

You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!

You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly.

You don’t know what moon pie is.

You’ve never had an RC cola. 

You’ve never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled. 

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

You’ve never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you’ve seen are on road trips.

You have no idea what a polecat is.

You don’t see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. 

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

Instead of referring to two or more people as “y’all,” you call them “you guys,” even if both of them are women.

You don’t think Ted Kennedy has an accent.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

You don’t have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

You don’t have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

The farthest south you’ve ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.

You don’t know what applique is.

You don’t know anyone with at least two first names (i.e. Carolyn Elizabeth, Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice, etc.) *

You can do your laundry without quarters.

None of your fur coats are homemade.


 

TEXAS WISDOM

Never slap a man who’s chewin‘ tobacco.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin‘ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n puttin‘ it back in.

If you’re ridin‘ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

If you get to thinkin‘ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin‘ somebody else’s dog around.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

There’s two theories to arguin‘ with a woman. Neither one works.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin

Don’t squat with your spurs on.

It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never miss a good chance to shut up!


Things you would NEVER hear a Texan say…ever….no matter how much they’ve had to drink, no matter how far from the South they’ve wandered.  

  • I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex
  • It’s gonna take more than duct tape to fix that.
  • We don’t keep firearms in this house.
  • No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
  • We’re vegetarians
  • Who‘s Richard Petty?
  • Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
  • Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  • I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today. *
  • Trim the fat off that steak.
  • Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
  • The tires on that truck are too big.
  • Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
  • My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
  • I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
  • Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
  • Checkmate.
  • I don’t have a favorite college team.  
  • Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin tonight.



When you’re from Texas, people who you meet ask you questions like, “Do you have any cows?”

It’s nice to be able to say yes.

They ask you, “Do you have horses?”

Yup.

Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?

Of course.

They all want to know if you’ve been to Southfork.
They watched Dallas.

Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Why sure you have. Look at Texas for just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be. As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at  it, they know what it is. It’s Texas. Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of  Texas in the dirt, and he’ll know what it is.

What  happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You’ll get it maybe after a second, but who else  would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?

In every man, woman and child on this little rock the Good Lord put us on, there is somewhere in them a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride in a pickup. Did you ever hear anyone in a restaurant go, “Wow… so you’re from Ok-la-homa. Cool. Tell me about it”?

There is some bit of Texas in everyone. Do you know why?

Because Texas is Texas!                              

Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing thousands of Mexican soldiers, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves but stayed. We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis, David Crockett, Stephen F. Austin and James Bowie, and do you know why?

Because those men saw a line in the sand, and they decided to be heroes.

John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is Texas. Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto. Texas is Texas Independence Day and Juneteenth.

Texas is huge forests of piney woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest. Texas is breathtaking mountains in Big Bend. Texas is shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas. Texas is oak and cedar trees, cactus, Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush
in the beautiful Texas Hill Country.

Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork. Texas is Mexican food like nowhere in the world, even Mexico.

Texas is larger-than-life legends like:

Earl Campbell, Roger Staubach ,Dandy Don Meredith, Lance Armstrong and Nolan Ryan

Denton Cooley and Michael DeBakey

Lyndon Johnson, George Bush, and George W. Bush

Willie Nelson, Janis Joplin, Stevie Ray Vaughn and Buddy Holly.

Van Cliburn, Scott Joplin, Mary Martin and Steve Martin

Carol Burnett, Tex Avery, Admiral Chester Nimitz, Oliver North and Karl Rove.

Red Adair, Tex Ritter, Ross Perot and even Gene Rodenberry, who wanted boldly go where no man had gone before.

 

Texas is great companies like Dell Computer and Compaq. Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops. Texas is skies blackened with doves and leases full of deer. Texas is the best Bar-b-que anywhere.

Texas is a place where cities shut down for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football and the streets are deserted during church. Texas is beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies.

By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S.  flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars  and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, or California, or Maine, and your state flag goes at 17.

You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview, Texas, at 20 feet, and The Lone Star flies  at 20 feet.

Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in D.C.

We signed those in as part of the deal when we came on. Texas was its own country.

The Republic of Texas. Texas doesn’t have to secede from the Union… in nature and spirit it remains The Republic of Texas.

Every time I think of all these things I tear up. All of them make you proud to be a Texan, proud of that Lone Star on the Flag…. the Star of Dreams.

 

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